This week I visited my sister and brother-in-law in West Hollywood, CA with my boys, mom, neices, and god son. One afternoon we went down to Santa Monica Beach. Needless to say, the beach was overcrowded. It is a great place to people watch which is exactly what I did.
There was a part of the beach that was like a park with swings, monkey bars, and lots of other playground equipment. The other type of playground equipment is not what I am use to seeing on the playgrounds we typically visit. The othertype of equipment included rings and tight ropes. It is a very interesting sight especially to me as it is not typically what I get to see.
As we watched the people on the rings and tight ropes, my boys wanted to try which is exactly what they did. Madden and Miles both did the rings several times and the tight rope a few times. Of course, I helped them. However, I mostly found myself watching them and all of the other people. I never attempted to try the rings or the tight ropes. I let my fear be bigger than my faith causing me to just sit and watch.
At first, I found myself thinking these people are really into this. Second, I thought what is the big deal. Third, I thought these people are weird. Fourth, I thought thete was no way I could do it. Fifth, I noticed that they were working hard and getting something out of the exercise. Eventually, I recognized I was the weird one just sitting and watching. As odd as it all seemed to me, they were the ones gaining strength and improved health and I was the one missing an opportunity.
As I continued to sit and allow an opportunity to pass me by, I thought about my wife who stayed at home. I thought about how I wished she was here with us. I thought about how much I sit and watch my relationship with her. I thought about how me sitting here missing an opportunity to do something out of the ordinary was a reflection of how I sit and miss opportunities to improve my relationship with Mariah.
To be blatantly honest, I have sat around and watched our relationship from a distance for too long. I have not engaged as I should have and because of that I have caused a lot of damage. I have weakened our relationship and our marriage. I have failed to engage in opportunities that would have helped Mariah and I have a deeper, more rich, and more emotionally intimate relationship. A relationship that would have led her to being more fulfilled and happy. A relationshi that would create a more peaceful environment for our boys.
You know what, maybe I actually got something out of the opportunity at Santa Monica after all. Maybe I found my resolution for 2017. Now is a good time for renewal. I think I am going to try to not sit around and mope, because I know Mariah hates that. I think I am going to try to be resilient and take advantage of each and every relationship-building opportunity, especially with my wife.
Besides God wanting me to do this, Mariah certainly deserves it and so do our boys. I cannot let my fear get in the way of doing something that I love which is loving Mariah. Ultimately, this is my personal responsibility and this is not up to anyone else.