Oops. I did it again. I continue to mess up. I must be an ignoramous since I keep repeating the same mistake over and over. I really wish I could make the right choices but for some reason my emotions keep getting the best of me.
We are going through a series at church called “The Other Side of Me.” I can imagine what that is like and I think it must be plain awful. I am reminded of the time I introduced Mariah to one of my aunts many years ago. My aunt told her a story and clarified that as a kid I was awful. In fact, I will never forget sitting there hearing her say to Mariah “he was awful, just awful” with a serious look on her face. I am glad Mariah didn’t take that information and run for her life.
I guess I continue to live up to that reputation because I think living on the other side of me right now is pretty awful. At least that is what I think Mariah is trying to communicate to me in a nice way. Mariah let me know tonight that she couldn’t wait until I went to bed. In other words, she couldn’t wait until she didn’t have to put up with me any longer. Believe me, I get it because I have to put up with myself all day long. I understand her feeling because I don’t think I could live on the other side of me either.
The good thing is that I think I have figured out the problem. Every day I fight an internal battle. A battle between two perspectives. Both perspectives are pretty stubborn and return to fight the battle the next day. Some how both perspectives are indestructible and keep coming back. One perspective is good and one is bad.
I will describe the bad perspective first. This perspective is the one that makes me believe that Mariah doesn’t view me as her superhero. This perspective makes me feel like I am a burden to her and put to much pressure on her. It causes me to feel like I am causing problems and not being helpful. It causes me to have a bad attitude, crushes my self-esteem, destroys my courage, robs me of any hope.
Now, I will describe the good perspective. This perspective is the one that makes me feel that Mariah does believe in me. This perspective makes me feel like I am a good husband and a good dad. It causes me to feel like I am doing something right. It causes me to have a good attitude, a good self-esteem, a lot of courage, and a lot of hope.
I think the key to being Mariah’s superhero is up to me. I am the only one that is responsible and accountable. It isn’t up to anyone else. The only person standing in the way is myself. I can be Mariah’s superhero if I can get out of my own way and can defeat myself. The choice is mine.